Plot Twist Dairies

If you have ever left a toxic relationship, and you found yourself reaching for the idea of “finalizing” your breakup with some sort of closure, you’re not alone. One of the most common relationship myths in the world is the myth of closure. But that’s all it really is: a myth. You don’t need closure in order to get past a former relationship. Read on to find out why moving on is not about closure, but about taking control on your own terms.

Closure doesn’t actually work?

First and foremost, closure simply doesn’t work. The most obvious sign that closure doesn’t work is the fact that so many people continue to feel frustrated, depressed, upset and other negative emotions about former relationships even after getting what they might have thought was “closure.” If closure truly worked, people would never think about their prior relationships ever again. Yet this is clearly not the case.

“Real” closure is impossible

There is no such thing as a real closure. The thoughts and feelings that lead someone to seek closure can never be truly satisfied through another person’s actions or words. The experience and history will always be there; no amount of closure can erase it. And the act of seeking closure can make you more stuck on your former relationship, which brings you further away from moving on.

For example, let’s imagine you have left a toxic relationship with a partner who was emotionally abusive, and you want to have a conversation with that partner to let them know how you felt as a form of closure.

After the conversation, what has changed? You still experienced the toxic relationship, they still hurt you through their actions, and nothing will change what you experienced. You might find yourself hurt anew by thinking of what they said and did during the conversation as well.

There is no way to get closure, because closure doesn’t actually exist.

Closure puts the focus on your ex-partner

When it comes to moving on from a toxic relationship or simply a formal relationship, the idea of closure actually puts emphasis on the wrong person. Seeking closure puts the focus on your former partner, when the focus should be on yourself. You should be thinking about the ways you can improve your life, the benefits of leaving the relationship, and how you will go into the future.

Seeking closure keeps you from moving forward

When it comes to moving on, there is only one thing holding you back: yourself. Whether you’re trying to move past a toxic relationship or just a healthy relationship that didn’t work out, you shouldn’t think so much about trying to “wrap up” the relationship with some mythical concept of closure. This holds you back and keeps you from moving forward with your life, your plans–and your future.

The idea of closure can be tempting. But remember, you don’t actually need it. The concept of closure is impossible to truly achieve, and it keeps you from what you need to start doing: moving on with your life.